Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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