My sheets look like a crime scene.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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