Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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