Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
