a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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