According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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