i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
