Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
