I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
