Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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