remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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