Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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