Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
