you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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