I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
