So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
