booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
