I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
