we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
