I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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