I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
