Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
