Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
