I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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