3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize