Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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