And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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