would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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