he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
