Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
