All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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