I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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