Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
