Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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