I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
