I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
