before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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