where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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