my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am available for nakedness
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Text me some of your sweat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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