I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
