but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
