She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
