My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
