Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
