Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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