So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
