I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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