woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
