I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
