I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
