Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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