So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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