I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
