I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
