i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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