drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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