you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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