WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.