Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred. http://tfl.nu/ocgs

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(303): View more from Colorado

you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

(303): View more from Colorado

and I must say, you were very persuasive

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(303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

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(781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7

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(816): View more from Missouri

So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeeah thank god

(816): View more from Missouri

Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

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(816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw

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(240): View more from Maryland

seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am

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(240): seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am http://tfl.nu/z6p6

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(559): View more from California

The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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(559): The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway. http://tfl.nu/e3fd

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade

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(717): It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade http://tfl.nu/l96w

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(513): View more from Ohio

I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.

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(513): I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food. http://tfl.nu/mdny

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(+49): View more from Germany

In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?

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(+49): In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life? http://tfl.nu/2p4e

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(859): View more from Kentucky

if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

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(859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.

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(704): Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone. http://tfl.nu/kasl

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.

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(307): I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband. http://tfl.nu/qjl3

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(61): View more from Australia

I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.

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(61): I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege. http://tfl.nu/9edb

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(616): View more from Michigan

I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.

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(616): I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers. http://tfl.nu/1m5q

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(289): View more from Ontario

For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)

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(289): For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013) http://tfl.nu/5uly

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