went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.