i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.