really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my liver is dry heaving
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS