it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
